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How I slayed My Demon

It was certain;

I expected him to come in that night like he had the night before

And then the night before and the nights before,

For as long as I could remember.

It was going to be like every other night;

I would lay awake curled into a ball Pretending to be asleep,

And the hinges on my bedroom door would sound the invaders alarm

And after comes the silent creaking of the wooden floors followed by the steps of the invader.

Then I’d know he had come again

Continue reading “How I slayed My Demon”

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DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL. EPISODE FOUR ; MY ADDICTION

So it just hit me that all I’ve talked about in the past episodes is my family. Let’s talk about me! Who am I, what goes on inside my head and what makes my life worth writing about? here I am with a plate of party jollof from my mum’s 54th birthday party and I realized that the taste never gets old. We see a lot of media updates about party jollof and the frenzy about Owanbe is totally worth it.

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DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL. EPISODE THREE; MY FAMILY AND PUBLIC DISPLAY

Have you ever tried having a quiet meal at KFC or chicken republic and then there’s this family that just won’t shut up? Remember that family that stops right in the center of the lobby at the mall to take pictures, (tons of pictures)? Remember that man posing with his cart right in the middle of aisle twelve in ShopRite, preventing you from picking up an item? Sadly, that’s my family.

Continue reading “DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL. EPISODE THREE; MY FAMILY AND PUBLIC DISPLAY”

DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL EPISODE TWO. FEMINISM; MY FIRST LOVE.

After reading Episode One, you understand that the ways of Edo people are peculiar to this world. A typical Edo family experiences more drama than you can ever imagine in a day (just look at TYWSE and MARAJI), each in their own different ways. But one thing that cuts across them all is the unspoken gender factor. I say unspoken because no parent would ever truly admit it (except my dad), and most of them never see it that way. So yes growing up under the circumstances which I did is one major reason I’m a strong, unashamed feminist today.

Continue reading “DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL EPISODE TWO. FEMINISM; MY FIRST LOVE.”

DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL. EPISODE ONE: GROWING UP-

Growing up, a typical Edo child is exposed to one thing. Family, family and more family. You never truly understand why but your family just seems like one really big tree that makes up tons of forests. Goes against the general belief that a single tree can’t make up a forest right, well mine does. Plus with a mother as dove hearted as mine I got to see a lot of family, always have, still am and I probably will for a long time. We’re like descendants of Israel scattered around the world or was it the seed of Abraham? There’s always this cousin in Kano and this sister in Italy.

Continue reading “DIARY OF A CRAZY EDO GIRL. EPISODE ONE: GROWING UP-“

Good; Goodbye.

Goodbye, good riddance

We take a sigh of relief;

Our hearts don’t feel so heavy anymore

Someone finally lifted the burden, or not.

So we say goodbye to our Demons

Goodbye to everything that haunted us.

Just yesterday it didn’t feel like it was ever going to end

And now it’s all gone, or not

Or did we finally accept it, so they don’t hurt anymore.

So we say goodbye to everything that taunted our soul

Goodbye to everything that we used to feel.

A fresh breath of greener pasture, it’s time to take it in

Our mind ready to let go of everything it had come to know in the dark

But greener pasture doesn’t feel like it’s supposed to, something’s missing.

What is?

The struggle, to be done with what was killing us inside?

The battle, between our sanity and insanity?

The hope, for a little light at the end of the tunnel?

The faith, that we would get to the end of the tunnel?

The anticipation, for freedom?

And after our first taste of a better life;

We realize we miss it all

For when we lost it all,

All the tears on the ground dried up, all the tears in our pillow soaked in.

We lost ourselves too.

So who then are we, without what made us push forward?

So we say goodbye to who we were

Having no idea who we are now.

WINTER DARKNESS

“Are you Suicidal?”

I’ve been asked this question a couple of times I shrug it off most times I never really stopped to ask myself they misunderstood my poems I concluded.

But then on this windy evening with my emotions dancing to the rhythm of the weather,  I do ask myself. Are you suicidal?

Well I’m definitely not jumping off the bridge anytime soon but I’ll drown my soul if I could wash out my memories because I feel everything just might hurt less. I wish I could wake up with Amnesia life would maybe feel less fucked up but then I can’t kill one part of myself without killing the other.

Winter darkness Amplified grief exalted depression glorified melancholy. Mental scars to commemorate my experience Pain; a familiar feeling of nostalgia.

I feel like none should see this piece it feels more like a conversation with my inner self than a poem. But then who’s my inner self? The one I intend to kill. My inner self torments and filters away whatsoever joy that might be brewing. If I do this then, get rid of my inner self. I do so in self-defense is it then suicide?

Winds stopped blowing, Emotions stopped dancing So I guessed I’ll have to sleep on that question. call a lawyer, I’ll probably be needing one.

THE TRIBUNAL

They placed my hand on a bible and made me swear
Judge, jury, and court they were
The clerk read out the rules to which I was to adhere
“Court in session” I heard the judge declare.
Ten thousand eyeballs fixated on me
Five thousand whisperers and screamers to convince
Court in session, a session in court
Either way I was doomed by default.

First came the pastor;
“Woe unto all men who sin, for to sin is of man.
But you should know no sin, for a woman need not sin.
And ye have sinned and come short of the glory of the church.
Sinner sinner woman, woman of sin! Sinful woman”.

Second came the father;
“Charity begins at home, and then your charity has never gotten home.
We laid your foundation, and you neglected our building.
Why not be a banker we told you, lawyers earn more money we preached.
Act ladylike that you may find a suitor we warned, the dark boulevards is no place for a woman we cried.
But you chose to disappoint, and the disappointment is you.
Disgraceful being! Not one of us”.

Third came the government;
“Tax evader, squanderer of public funds.
Abuser of public property, you built your home on our streets.
Obstructer of justice, you aided and abetted a thief.
Fugitive! Non patriot!”

Fourth came the seer;
“A thousand curses unto you who led people away from the light.
Blinded by foolishness and unable to see a clear path.
I see a legion for they are many, they that torment your soul.
Demoniac! Demonist! Demonic!”

“Speak woman and save yourself” the judge urged me
“Speak woman for they drown you with accusations.
Speak! Speak! Speak!”

To the pastor I said;
“Woe unto the church and clergymen like you,
Shame unto he that calls me a sinner and casts me out of the door.
Woe unto you! You cast me away because I have no penny to give.
Now tell me am I giving to the house of God or to the gods in the house?
If not fanning the flames of your greed is sinning, then I’ll sin till I die”.

To the father I said;
“Why extend charity home when charity never began from home?
People expected to provide and protect, but instead left me in utter neglect.
Think properly of the report you’ll give when your maker beckons.
I’ll gladly sing tales of how you shut away one given to you to nurture.

LET ME TELL YOU 

Let me tell you something about love

It is the overrated word in the ENGLISH vocabulary

A word so emphasized that it lives


Breathes, deceives, encourages and defeat.

We all, through our actions and inactions are victims of love

Like a zombie, our hearts as brains.

What is it they say?

Feelings are bitches,

Fly around like witches.

Am sure we all have stitches

From when we fell into ditches.

When sweet,

We do the sweetest things for love

We do the dumbest things for love

When sour,

It hurts oh it hurts!

And the you that once loved is gone

And all that’s left is this demon con

This vile tyranny in your head

You do worse things that you can ever imagine

We lose who we are to whom it wants us to be.
Let me tell you about the love I have known

The worst kind of love

The one that comes with pain

It’s only sweet when she’s a she

Because she couldn’t hurt me I thought.

You see every other agent not she assigned by love

Has burnt me and will continue to

Each one worse than the last.

The kind of love I have had!

The type that gives jealousy free passage into my soul

Paranoia, low self-esteem, insecurity and pain hitched the ride

When sweet, when sour.

I want to be mad and I remember I have no right to be

And then I am sad because that I can be and there’s no care if I am.

I want to hold on but I was told not to and still I don’t know how to let go.

Am scared of what I’ll become

As I was scared of what I am now.

What do they say?

You don’t know what you’ve lost until you lose it

That’s a lie 

You do know 

You just love it more when you’ve lost it

That’s how vile love can be.

I am no expert on love, so please don’t take my word for it

Am just someone who has gotten to her disequilibrium.

I have fallen, I am falling

So let me tell you

I am scared I’ll become numb

And might never feel again.

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