I was in a state of dysphoria,like I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy.I could feel the last ounce of strength I had in my body slide into an abyss,never to return. I felt my hand run through a cold hard surface and I realized I had no idea what I was doing. If at that moment I was asked to describe my pain on a scale of one to ten, my answer would have been fiften.How else could one describe an ambiguous feeling of mental depression.
I had no idea what my next step was going to be. I always wished I would wake up one day and realize I was never born.I would be in chill mode with God probably sipping iced tea and deciding which one of you to punish .Have you ever wondered what it felt like to carry an emotional scar all the days of your life, like an eternal epitaph but was engraved while you were alive? Well I didn’t need to wonder, I did that everyday.
‘Tick Tock’ sounded the clock and without a warning I was shot back to reality . It was time to go home to my vegetable father and overstressed mother. I just hated life and wondered what it would feel like to live in oblivion, to just fade away. What exactly is the essence of life? Because at that point my life had no essence. I took a quick glance at my wristwatch, I had exactly thirty minutes before Gbenga arrived with my car. I did not want to make him wait so I packed up and headed downstairs. ‘Zida’ a colleague called out,I looked back with a smile. ‘oh come on! we passed that level of fake smiles .Mr. Mide asked to see you before u leave ‘
‘Thank you ‘ well that can’t be good, Mr. Mide was the last person I wanted to see. He was literally the organizations carier of bad news. If any one was queried he did it ,or worse still fired he did it with pleasure. I approached his office with sweaty palms. Well Gbenga was going to wait after all. Once in Mr. Mide’s office ,I lost the ability to speak or move.
‘you asked to se..ee me’ I stuttered. ‘Scared? ‘
he asked ‘you shouldn’t be, you not getting fired. Not today tho’ he laughed. I probably would have too if I remembered how to.
‘Sit ‘ he gestured towards the empty seat across his desk. I did and so it began, the dishing out of my fate by Mr. Mide. Right there I started thinking of other possible ways to earn a living in our diminishing economy. I couldn’t go through the stress of job interviews, I considered starting a retail store at least I had enough money stacked up to invest in something tangible.
‘Are you even listening to me? Miss Omon’
I had completely forgotten about him and had no idea what he had been saying for the past, I glanced at my watch, two minutes. At that point I had two options one ,to get up tell him I would turn in my badge and keys tomorrow or two ,tell him his two minutes long speech fell on completely deaf ears. Luckily for me I didn’t have to take any he helped me out.
‘The board is concerned about your well being Miss Omon and mostly scared that your state of mind may affect business. You’ve had the lowest turn in rates for two weeks now which is very unlike you. Any other employee would have been dropped but the board considers you a valuable asset ‘ he handed me a business card ‘thats Mrs. Nnenna’s card, she’s a therapist. The board booked her for two weeks after which she would have to medicaly clear you for work. She suggested you be lodged in an hotel’
He smiled and handed me some keys ‘all expenses covered by the board, see you in two weeks ‘
So I walked down to my car, feeling like crap.
; to be continued