‘How do you feel? ‘
Her office was more like an interrogation room, it lacked colour and everything was either grey or ugly. I saw why her patients made rapid improvements, no one could stand her office for long. And so just like in the movies, I was laying on a long ugly grey couch with a flawlessly dressed psychologist staring at me. From her cream coloured jacket to her tailored black gown, red shoes and expensive from the looks of it, she looked stunning and they all complemented her tiny body frame.
‘I asked you a question Miss Omon ‘ she stared at me through her glasses. They were much bigger than her face and made it impossible to read her expression. She was stone cold .’How do you feel? ‘
‘I feel ‘ I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes.
‘violated’ she scribbled ‘deleted, insignificant, offended, burdened ‘ And feelings I never knew I had flowed out. I felt each as I spoke it. She scribbled.
‘So let’s talk about violated and deleted. Why? ‘ she adjusted her seat and handed me a pen and notepad ‘ if you can’t speak, write. ‘
So I spoke
‘violated because I wasn’t allowed to choose, like God didn’t ask me if I wanted to be born, or if I wanted to be a woman. Why didn’t I get to choose my family, why don’t we all or why didn’t I get to decide when I wanted to be born, that way the fact that am old and unmarried would me my fault! ‘ I was enraged ‘he took all the decisions for me. I feel sad, I feel cheated, feel like am destined to an ill-fated life and there’s not a darn thing I can do about it. I feel…’ I touched my face ‘scarred ‘
Emotions I had locked up for years started spiraling and it took only one question from her. She scribbled.
With a smile, she looked at me
‘that’s all for today ‘
Well so much for long talk hours, she was supposed to help me deal with this feelings, to fix me. But she took the cap off the bottle and dismissed me. And as I slept that night, two words echoed in my head
To be continued