I don’t have time to have time
I don’t have the will to have zeal
I am not strong enough to feel strength
I haven’t been cold enough to appreciate warmth.
I am too cowardly to be courageous
Too sad to know Joy
I have been bartered but have never been hit
I know hunger and yet cannot eat
Not paralyzed, yet cannot feel my feet
Like a babe, fed only with life’s milk yet I have teeth.
I constantly repeat, that if I had a chance I would take a stand
But why do my legs hurt from standing when I claim to seat.
And my buttocks sore from the hard ground when I claim to stand.
The grumbles of my worms incessant and I claim to be filled
No space to stomach my emotions and I claim I haven’t fed.
I seek that which I do not own
Crave that which I do not want
I yearn for things I need not
On a journey, search for the black hibiscus.
My words are as heavy on my tongue as a thousand bricks
But my sounds of lament fall lightly to the ground.
I am wise sometimes
And foolish all the time
Is this the point I stop believing
And when I do, do I stop living.
I stand upon the hill awaiting for a miracle
And toil on the soil like I never prayed.
I quiver in fear and anxiety, pain and discomfort at the sound of my own laughter.
Am I just but a pawn in this game, or do I move the pieces?
I watch myself make a mockery out of me
And am drowned in the beauty of my tears.
I feel like a peacock tasked with the heavy burden of carrying nothing but itself around.
My pride and humility weighing in on me.
My life’s irony, as clear as a thousand puzzle piece.